Grief is a deeply personal process that can entail both physical and emotional symptoms. Although we often associate grief with death and dying, it can also emerge from any significant loss, including losing a friend, job, home, or part of your identity. With that, life is full of grief- it is an inescapable part of what it means to be human, and there is nothing wrong with you if you’re struggling with your emotions or thoughts right now.
Every episode of grief is distinct, and it’s hard to anticipate how you may react to a certain episode until you’re experiencing it. That said, fatigue is a common symptom of grief. Grief-related fatigue can come in many forms, including emotional and physical exhaustion, and it’s important to be aware of its impacts to tend to it appropriately.
Understanding How Grief Impacts the Body
Grief inherently triggers many intense emotions, including sadness, anger, confusion, fear, loneliness, guilt, and even relief. These feelings tend to ebb and flow in severity, and different situations may trigger new reactions throughout your grief process. However, all these changes can disrupt your body’s inherent homeostasis, causing more fatigue than usual.
Fight-or-flight response: Stress activates the body’s fight-or-flight response, an automatic release of various stress hormones, including cortisol and adrenaline. In this stage, your brain is most invested in survival. Therefore, the brain is doing whatever it can to secure your survival, even if it feels like certain responses are “overly dramatic” or “overreactive.” If your brain is stuck in a fight-or-flight reflex, you may be more vulnerable to fatigue, physical pain, higher blood pressure, and other related symptoms(1).
Dissociation: Grief sometimes comes with themes of disorientation or confusion. Many grieving people feel like they’re in a ‘fog,’ and this could be due to your brain dissociating itself from the sheer magnitude of your emotional distress(2). Dissociation is not inherently “bad” or “wrong”- and most effects are temporary- but prolonged dissociation can intensify fatigue.
Logistical stressors: All types of grief tend to coincide with a cascade of practical concerns. For example, if someone has died, you may now have several tasks to complete, including contacting loved ones, planning funeral arrangements, and taking care of an estate. Many of these tasks are time-sensitive and logistically stressful, and you have to tend to them while managing your own raw emotions. This can be tiring, and it can certainly impact your energy levels.
Neglecting normal health needs: During acute grief, it may feel challenging to properly take care of yourself. This can show up in many forms, including:
- Undereating
- Overeating or binge eating
- Failing to take medication properly
- Inconsistent or limited physical activity
- Increased stimulant use (caffeine, nicotine)
Grief and Sleep Disruptions
Grief can make you tired, as the symptoms of grief can inherently disrupt both your quantity and quality of sleep. This can emerge in numerous ways, such as:
Daytime sleepiness: As mentioned, stress hormones impact fatigue, and the flood of these hormones may exacerbate daytime sleepiness. Some people find themselves caught in a cycle of needing to nap to recharge during the day. However, this can lead to trouble falling or staying asleep at night.
Racing thoughts: Grief may coincide with racing thoughts or rumination. When this happens, you may get into bed at night and feel like you can’t “turn your brain off.” This can lead you to toss and turn for hours, creating a persistent cycle of insomnia. Some people can fall asleep easily, but anxiety wakes them in the middle of the night or early in the morning, making it hard to go back to sleep.
Nightmares: Nightmares or vivid grief-related dreams can impact the quality of your sleep. If these experiences are chronic, you may notice yourself dreading bedtime or waking up feeling disoriented or scared. This can all magnify feelings of fatigue.
Substance use: Some people manage grief symptoms by using drugs or alcohol to provide temporary relief. While self-medicating may initially support more sleep (i.e. a glass of wine may help you fall asleep), the sleep itself tends to be less restful, contributing to more fatigue than usual.
Grief and Mental Health Issues
It’s important to remember that grief itself is not a mental health concern, and it shouldn’t be stigmatized as anything problematic. Grief is part of the collective human experience; we all face it at various points, and it’s normal to have various struggles connected to it. However, people with preexisting mental health conditions may notice more fatigue than usual during the grieving process.
Depression: Fatigue is a common symptom associated with depression. For example, you may feel like just moving through the day requires immense effort. You may also feel sluggish and physically heavy.
Anxiety: Fatigue can also coincide with anxiety. Anxiety corresponds with muscle tension, increased heart rate, and a sense of hypervigilance. This requires the body to be in a state of “overdrive” to function properly. And while this may help you maintain a sense of productivity, it can also create a “crash-like” effect.
Trauma symptoms: Grief can amplify trauma symptoms, including trust issues, abandonment fears, avoidance behaviors, flashbacks, and more. These symptoms vary in severity, but all of them can dysregulate the nervous system, heightening fatigue. It’s also important to understand that some types of grief can inherently be traumatic.
How to Manage Grief-Related Fatigue
Although fatigue is typical during grief, it’s important to try to look after your health. Here are some gentle strategies that may help you:
Try to adhere to a consistent sleep schedule: Although the advice may sound cliche, it’s cliched because it works. The body values having a predictable schedule for falling asleep and waking up. The more you can stick to this familiar routine, the more you ___
Aim to prioritize nutrition: Try to harness the benefits of a balanced, nourished diet. Drink plenty of water, limit caffeine by the early afternoon, and eat plenty of whole foods. This can preserve your energy and strengthen your emotional well-being. While it’s normal to engage in emotional eating, inadequate nutrition (or too much sugar and salt) can contribute to more fatigue.
Make room for gentle physical activity: There are so many benefits associated with exercise, and combating fatigue is one of the main ones. Even just 20-30 minutes can give you a much-needed boost of energy. Remember that the best activity is the one that you can commit to doing, so try not to get hung up on the “right” exercise to do. Just focus on moving when you can.
Practice self-kindness: We live in a society that often condemns and stigmatizes the grieving process. There is tremendous pressure to “move on” and “get over it,” even if that pressure isn’t outwardly explicit. Self-compassion allows you to treat yourself gently. Instead of tethering yourself to rigid expectations about how you “should” feel or what you “should” do, consider allowing yourself to embrace accepting the grieving process for what it is. That means making room for your fatigue instead of harshly judging it.
Stay connected to support: There’s often a desire to keep to yourself during grief. It can feel draining to socialize when you feel depressed or disconnected. However, isolation has significant costs, and it can actually exacerbate fatigue. When possible, aim to reach out to loved ones. You may also want to consider attending a grief support group. These groups focus on providing emotional safety and camaraderie- you’re allowed to show up authentically as yourself without the pressure to act in any particular way.
Permit yourself to rest: Sometimes the best way to cope with fatigue is by truly allowing yourself time and space for rest. This may literally mean sleeping more. But it may also mean consciously allowing yourself to move slower and at a more comfortable, safe pace. Even if you aren’t sleeping well, try to prioritize relaxation. Make space for things that feel good to you, including your favorite foods, TV shows, hobbies, and music.
Seek professional guidance: Grief can exacerbate mental health concerns, especially if you’re prone to depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem. If you’re having a hard time functioning, it may be worth considering professional support. Therapy can be such a valuable form of self-care, and a grief therapist can offer you both compassion and practical coping skills to help you manage this tender time.
Final Thoughts
If your grief is causing you to feel more tired than usual, remember that you’re not alone. Grief is heavy and taxing. While healing does not follow a specific timeline, fatigue does tend to lessen as time progresses. With that, there is no right or wrong way to feel right now.
Remember that small steps matter. Take care of yourself in the ways that you can. It’s okay to lean on support right now, and it’s also okay if you need more time for yourself. Trust that your body knows what it needs to recover and try to listen to your internal needs when possible.
